It’s no secret that we live in a consumer-driven culture. In our quest for ‘more’, it’s considered normal to think “if I only earned $________ more per year” or “drove a ______ car” or “had a bigger house…” I’d be happy.
In fact, as a Certified Financial Planner™, I catch myself thinking some of these same thoughts from time to time. While it’s natural to let our minds wander to a place where more stuff equals happiness, doing so puts us in a perpetual cycle of possession-defined success that will ultimately leave us unfulfilled.
Now I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t aspire for greater or even spoil ourselves every now and then. But in doing so, we must first make sure that we’ve made a mental shift from a focus on more “stuff” to a focus on more of “the stuff that matters”.
It reminds me of an article I read about the questions George Kinder (one of the brightest minds in the financial advising industry) uses to help people identify what’s truly important in planning their financial lives. Take a minute and think through your own answers to these thoughtful questions.
- Imagine you are financially secure, that you have enough money to take care of your needs, now and in the future. How would you live your life? Would you change anything? Let yourself go. Don’t hold back on your dreams. Describe a life that is complete and richly yours.
- Now imagine that you visit your doctor, who tells you that you have only 5-10 years to live. You won’t ever feel sick, but you will have no notice of the moment of your death. What will you do in the time you have remaining? Will you change your life and how will you do it? (Note that this question does not assume unlimited funds.)
- Finally, imagine that your doctor shocks you with the news that you only have 24 hours to live. Notice what feelings arise as you confront your very real mortality. Ask yourself: What did you miss? Who did you not get to be? What did you not get to do?
Interestingly enough, the answers to these questions compare favorably to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is simply a theory of human motivation. We aim to fulfill the needs at the bottom of the pyramid before working our way up. That means the need for prestige or feelings of accomplishment are not present when we don’t have strong. Likewise, our personal safety is less of a concern when we don’t have food and water.
Put a different way, when we focus on the things that are truly important in our lives, we find that they have less to do with acquiring extra stuff and more to do with sustenance, security, and human interaction.
So, if you haven’t already, go back and answer the list of questions above. See if you uncover any of the following:
- The specific goals that will allow you to focus on the things that actually matter in your life.
- Realize that money itself is not a goal, but instead, a tool to help you reach your goals.
- Understanding that satisfaction is within your reach, you just need to identify the source and plan for it.
Armed with the vision of the life you want to lead, begin taking inventory of your current spending patterns and determine if they align with your priorities. It’s often said that you can tell a person’s priorities by looking at their checkbook and where they spend their money. How well does yours match up?
While you’re going through this goal-setting exercise, I’d like to issue one word of caution. Don’t compare your goals with others.
Recently, I had a friend comment on how many of her peers were buying big houses, taking lavish vacations, and spending obscene amounts of money on their kids.
“How do they do that?”, she commented.
They are in debt — I responded. A LOT of debt!
As parents, it’s easy for us to get caught in this trap of keeping up with our neighbors and forgetting about what’s truly important. Sometimes it requires cutting the cord of social media, creating different routines, and focusing on the values we want to instill in our own family.
Sacrificing true happiness in favor of superficial pleasures and material possessions is a losing proposition. The only way to reach true fulfillment is by focusing on the most meaningful actions — those things that will grow and prosper your life.
So with that, what are you going to do to buck the trend and stay focused on what really matters in your life? Let us know in the comments below.
Pathfinder Planning LLC provides personal financial planning advice and asset management for a simple fee to young adults and working families in North and South Carolina through group classes, one-on-one planning, and ongoing advice.
Your Financial Mom blog posts are not meant to be legal, accounting or other professional service advice. Content represents the opinion of the author only. Pathfinder Planning LLC is not responsible for the accuracy or validity of content contained in third-party comments.